The Evil Called Love

  There was a time I told myself waiting was love. Supporting him. Being patient. Believing in his “almost there.” It felt noble. Loyal. Like I was doing the right thing by not rushing something that was “meant to last.” So I waited. At First, It Felt Like We Were Building Something He had plans. I had faith. He was “figuring things out.” I was cheering him on. I said yes to helping where I could—emotionally, sometimes financially, always mentally. It felt like we were a team. Just… one that had not started winning yet. Then Time Started Moving… and Nothing Else Did Months turned into years in a way that did not feel dramatic enough to question right away. There was always a reason. After this exam. After he gets stable. After things calm down. And every time, I believed it. Not blindly. Just… hopefully. I Started Noticing Everyone Else Moving Forward It was subtle at first. Someone got engaged. Someone got married. Someone had a baby. I smiled. I showed up. I celebrated them. But ...

  I did not think wanting more would change my relationship this much. Not in a dramatic, overnight way. It was quieter than that. At first, it was just small shifts. I talked about new goals. I thought more about my future. I started taking myself a little more seriously. And somehow… that did not land well. The Pushback Didn’t Look Like Pushback It came disguised. Little jokes about me “changing.” Comments about how I was “doing too much.” Eye rolls when I talked about plans that used to excite me. Nothing big enough to call out. Just enough to make me pause. And I did what I always do when something feels off: I questioned myself. Am I being too much? Am I forgetting what we already have? Am I the one making this harder than it needs to be? I Almost Shrunk Myself to Keep the Peace There was a moment where I seriously considered slowing down. Not because I stopped wanting more… but because I did not want to lose us. It is a strange place to be in—feeling like your growth is someh...

I used to think constant bickering meant passion. Like, if we argued a lot, it meant we cared. That we were “real.” Not one of those suspiciously calm couples who look like they schedule their emotions in advance. But then there were days when I would sit there mid-argument and think, Why does this feel less like love and more like… friction? So I had to ask myself the uncomfortable question: Is this just how relationships grow… or is this how they slowly break? 1. We Stopped Being Cute… and Started Being Real At the beginning, everything felt easy. We laughed more. We filtered more. We were, frankly, on our best behavior like two people trying to pass a personality test. Then something shifted. We got comfortable. Which sounds nice, until “comfortable” turns into “I will now comment on everything you do, including how you breathe.” The deep talks were still there, but now they came with side notes. Corrections. Small irritations. At first, I thought something was wrong. But the truth ...